If you’re a guy reading this and haven’t named your Pocket Bayonet yet, then I can honestly conclude you don’t have the type of relationship with Little Pedro that you should. I’ve also found if you call Little Richard by his first name, women will find your creativity and sense of humor endearing! So if you can’t think of one on your own, here’s a list of names to give the Albino Cave Dweller. But try and come up with one on your own, the world can never have too many names for the African Beaver Cleaver.

Admiral Johnson

Admiral Winky

Apple Headed Monster

The Bald Avenger

Bavarian Beefstick

Bearded Burgler

All Beef Thermometer

Bologna Pony

Binford

Captain Kielbasa

Charleston (Chew)

Charlie Russell the One-Eyed Muscle

Chicksicle

Chief of Staff

Chubbs

The Chubby Conquistador

Chunky

Clam Digger

Crank Shaft

Cream Spritzer

Crimson Darth Vador

The Crippler

Cupid’s Arrow

Curious George

Custard’s Cannon

Cyclops

Daddy Long Strokes

Danger The Ranger

Dipstick

Doughnut Holder

Dr. Feelgood

Earlyworm

Earthworm Jim

Easy Rider

Egg Beater

Eggroll

Elmer (The Glue Shooter)

Everlast

Excalibur

Fat Albert

Frank n’ Beans

Giggle Stick

Godzilla

Gravy Maker

Hammer of Thor

Hercules

Homo-erectus

The Impregnator

The Incredible Bulk

The Italian Stallion

Jack in the Box

Jerkin’ Gherkin’

Johnny Cricket

Jingle Bone

Jolly Green Giant

Kick Stand

Houdini

Jack’s Beanstalk

Jack Hammer

Komodo

Kosher Pickle

Lickerish Stick

Lincoln Log

Long Dong Silver

Love Torpedo

Magic Johnson

Main Vein

Mandingo

Mayo Cannon

Meat n’ Potatoes

Middle Leg

The Molten Mushroom

Mr. Bigglesworth

Mr. Goodbar

Mr. Magoo

The Octagon

Old Faithful

Oliver Twist

One Eyed Wonder Weasel

Optimus Prime

Ovarian Pool Stick

Palm Pilot

Pee Wee

Pig in a Blanket

Pink Floyd

The Pink Oboe

Pleasure Piston

Plunger

Pocket Rocket

Pogostick

Pope John Pole III

Pop-eye

Prick

Prince Everhard of the Netherlands

Puff the Magic Dragon

Purple-Headed Yogurt Slinger

The RamBurgler

Rumpleforeskin

Scepter of Sodomy

Scooby Snack

Shaft

Sir Charles

Skin Flute

Spurt Reynolds

Stretch Armstrong

Super Soaker

Taco Warmer

Tallywhacker

Third Arm of Justice

Thinderstick

Thrill Drill

Tinkie Winkie

Totem Pole

Tronbone

Trouser Snake

Trouser Trout

Turd Burgler

Twig n’ Giggleberries

Uncle Remus

Veinus Maximus

Waldo

Wang

Wanker

Weapon of Ass Destruction

Vlad the Impaler