Arora,

I was reading a book trying to learn all the right moves for a date, and before I finished, I wanted to throw my face through a wall covered in fire ants.

Why are there so many do’s and don’ts to a date? Can’t I just be myself, tell her who I am and see if we’re compatible? If I order my food before her, is that really going to break the deal? God Damn iT!!

Roooaaaarr, NJ

Answer:

Sorry to disappoint you, bromigo, but yes. If you order your food before her; foul.

Guys don’t consciously acknowledge this but when you’re on a date with a girl, she’s mentally keeping a score card of all your moves. The points are as followed:

You’re score begins with 0.

For every good move you make, you’ll get a point. ie: holding the door, offering a taste of your dish, etc.

For every mistake you make, she’ll deduct a point. ie: blowing your nose at the table, a bad tip, etc.

Cash Points: When a single move earns multiple points. ie: “Unintentionally” calling her by a nickname her parents use to.

Blast Points: When a single move costs you multiple points. ie: “Unintentionally” calling her by a nickname her parents use to.

You see, broweiser; a girl is looking for one thing when on a date - comfort. It’s your job to provide that comfortable atmosphere no matter where you are. That means YOU need to be comfortable on your own at all times. Which is completely fair. You don’t have rape or a mugging to deal with every time you walk down the street. And on a date, the last thing on your mind is I hope this bitch doesn’t tie me up and burn my pupils with my cigarettes. Those things are expensive! You follow?

These teeny, tiny, tedious little moves are what girls judge their safety on - both physical and emotional. And dude, if that’s your ticket to a great time, consider yourself lucky.

Who you are falls into the other scorecard. I’d help, but thats all you, guy.

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