Arora,

OK, so my girlfriend dumped me cuz I was too nice to her. I love her still, what should I do?

Kindness Killer

Answer:

That’s pretty lame, bro… Pretty f*’n lame indeed. 

But it’s OK. To be perfectly honest, ladies like nice guys. Immature high school girls like assholes. So you really shouldn’t try and get her back by changing yourself, rather do your thing and find another. 

When a girl tells you you’re too nice, it doesn’t mean you give too much money to the poor or spend too much time at the children’s hospital. It means you’re being a little bitch bye smothering her and not giving her anything to work for. If you remember one fact, only 1 fact about a girl for the rest of your life, let it be this, girls like to think they’ve figured a guy out. (nice right? that’s more important than periods!)

You know when you were young and working on a puzzle. If it was easy, you got through it and moved on. But if it took you a week to figure it out, you were bragging to the world of your life-rewarding accomplishment. Yea man, girls are the same way. They want to get to know you and in the process get you to fall for them. If you’re all over em giving flowers and surprising them with candle lit dinners, talking your ass off about your drunk father and pedophile uncle, she’s not going to feel like the process was much of a task. If you ask more questions, talk less, keep the gifts to a minimum, and worry more about yourself she’ll secretly (and very much consciously) try and change you, and in the process fall for you!  

So what’s a wuss to do now? You should probably take this as a loss and learn for the next one. When a chic learns of your extremely sensitive, needy for a mother’s boob side before imagining what your wild, self-riteous, spit in my mouth side is like, it’s pretty hard to make the 180*. 

But if you must try, my advice to you is to chill back, give her a lot less attention than you were (and were planning on). But, you SHOULD let her see you with your chin in the air flirting with the flock and on your complete A game. And not A-, remember you already f*cked this one up. She’ll come around with conversation when she sees something she didn’t think was there. Thats when you come back to Arora, we’ll take it from there. 

Always f*ckin’ it up for yourself? Tell me about it.